I have come to realize that my thinking and approach to relationship and “love” has been very flawed. I expect too much and give way too much, but that’s by personal choice.
Growing up, us girls are conditioned or for better words introduced to fairytales about love, happiness, and our “happily ever after”. With that image and storyline that is embedded in us from a very young age we set our standards and disregard reality. But this is a lesson and some something all girls come to understand as we go through dating, relationships, and heartbreaks. Not all relationships are intended to end well, but even those that do not end in a happily ever after are and can be of great use for personal growth and a better understanding of ourselves and our philosophy about love and life in general. People truly come into our lives for a lesson or a blessing.
I have to understand from my own failed relationships that the part that I have overlooked and forgot about was the dating and truly get to know the other person before taking the step of giving the situation an official title. I think that most people my age completely forget about the whole dating process and courtship. Nowadays, I can say from personal experience, two people meet, click, become attracted in more than one way, and talk for such a short time but are so quick to have the official title of a relationship. We tend to forget how serious relationships were taken in the decades before ours. I think was born in the wrong decade.
Love is something that cannot be rushed. Being in love and loving someone are two very different things. I have loved before, but I have never been in love but I hear and believe that it is one of the most beautiful and purest feelings us humans can express upon another.
We (yes, I definitely need to include myself here) sometimes tend to rush things. But I have come to learn through truly reflecting on what I want out of a relationship, reflecting and understanding my flaws and what I bring to the table. I have come to learn that marriage is something that I hope to one day, not anytime soon though, but before that ever happens there are things I need to work on within myself to be able to build the stairs leading up to that.
This part of the book truly made me stop and think twice about my approach to not just marriage but relationships. As a girly girl I can honestly say that growing up the wedding is something that I have always dreamed and talked about with others girls, going through every possible minute detail. But what is a wedding without a marriage? What is marriage? These are questions that later develop as girls mature and think about the future. The wedding is the superficial and public way of sealing the deal and deciding to publicly become one with your other half. But what matters more than the decorations, dress, bridesmaid,flowers, and invited guest is the marriage. This is the part that Disney and other fairytales leave out and let us learn and wonder on our own.
Before thinking about taking a step forward from dating to relationship and especially from relationship to marriage, each person needs to prepare himself or herself. We truly do just see the bigger picture but forget the little fragments that must come together for it.
We forget about working on improving ourselves first, as individuals. We forget to love ourselves first and working on those qualities that we do not even like about ourselves. How can I expect someone to love me without first loving myself inside and out? How can I expect someone else to give me the best of them without first working on the bad qualities? We forget about establishing and meeting financial, personal, social and professional stability. We completely overlook the true meaning of marriage, the actual foundation for a happily ever after that we create for ourselves. We, as humans, tend to look at the superficial and not the cores and foundations which are the parts that we ultimately have to deal with on the daily basis.